Finding success in failure

I can say with my whole unshortened chest that I am not a girl who thinks everything happens for a reason. But I am someone — ahem, aspiring to be someone — who looks for the silver lining when certain, not entirely life interchange things have gone awry. Once the pebbles has settled and the emotions have reduced from their humid point to a nice, steady simmer, I put on my tampering glasses (not the rosy kind!) and ask myself, “What good came from this?” or plane “What bad thing did this prevent?”

Finding success in failure

In September 2018, you couldn’t have convinced me I wasn’t a full on failure.

I had finally made the nonflexible visualization to tropical up Brooklyn Brigade, my photo studio and workspace, considering it was just too much. Too much overhead, too much responsibility, too much of a headache. Too much space, even.

But mostly, it was just too expensive for one person. We rented it out for photoshoots and events, and did okay with that — but it was increasingly of a headache than it was worth. Equipment and furniture was broken, stolen, mistreated. I hated stuff there alone, and hated Holly stuff there alone, considering there were two very scary incidences that made me finger unsafe. And when she took a unconfined opportunity elsewhere, I knew the time had officially come to an end. Despite it never rhadamanthine what I wanted it to be, it was a unconfined space for us. We hosted workshops, built some incredible sets, raised lots of money for charities and donated our space to worthy causes who needed a place to meet.

We moreover took a lot of dog portraits. I had all these big ideas for the space, to make it into something trappy and polity driven, but I really didn’t have the funds to make it come to life — and I didn’t believe in myself unbearable to try and find partnerships to make it happen. It never had a endangerment to grow, and I held onto it for the sake of having it. I made a undear with myself: if I let the studio go, I could go suite hunting. Without the uneaten overhead, we could sire to move into a largest suite with outdoor space and largest light. It was bittersweet, but I chose that. We moved into our wondrous new space with the knowledge that I would not renew my studio lease.

So, anyway…that installment of my life ended the same way it began: on my birthday.

That’s something I didn’t think well-nigh when signing the lease on my birthday: that I would moreover need to turn in the keys on that same day. I sold off a lot of stuff, moved some stuff into our new building’s storage, and reminded myself that I’d be saving $3500 a month in rent. I knew it was the right thing to do — the only thing to do if I wanted to save myself from going tapped — but I still felt like a failure.

Here, all of my peers were expanding their empires into product lines and television shows, and I was shutting mine lanugo surpassing it was plane a profitable business. I hate to say it, but I moreover really liked stuff worldly-wise to say, “I’m a blogger, but I moreover have a photo studio!” considering seemingly, that did make myself increasingly legitimate in some people’s eyes.

I’d love to say that I immediately saw the upside of giving up the studio. However, 2019 was one of the worst years of my life and I spent most of it in a state of panic. In the sense that it didn’t leave room for me to requite the loss of the studio much thought. I guess says something.

But then came 2020 — and 2020 made everything finger a little clearer to me.

In early 2020, when the pandemic was in a full, frenzied swing and veritably nothing was known. We unwittingly entered an era in which scrutinizingly everyone’s lives changed. None the wiser of what was to come, our plans were postponed instead of canceled. We settled into our pajamas and whisked our dalgona coffee, and hoped that life would soon return to normal.

When the lockdown continued, I thought, “Thank goodness I once work from home.” When the layoffs started, I thought, “Thank goodness I work for myself.” When the layoffs started at my agency, I thought, “Well, this isn’t good.” But my managers survived the round of layoffs, and I survived the big talent purge. Many of my jobs got postponed, some were canceled entirely. However, I still had jobs coming in, and I was worldly-wise to alimony things afloat. This was largely considering I shoot and edit my own photos and videos. Also, I had an unshortened studio’s worth of equipment right in my home. I was an easy, reliable rent for anyone in need of marketing content. Not only was I living in an suite with floor-to-ceiling windows, which unliable me to shoot indoors with natural light. Also, I had the knowledge of studio lighting…which meant I could shoot day and night.

When everyone else was struggling to work, I was doing rather well. Work was much slower than usual and the pay was less. But plane with my postponed and canceled jobs, I made scrutinizingly as much as I did in 2019. I was incredibly lucky.

I was moreover lucky that I no longer had that uneaten $3500 a month studio hanging over my head.

Not only would I have lost out on any rental income that would’ve mitigated my costs, I wouldn’t have felt well-appointed using that space for most of the year, myself. I wouldn’t have had all of my backdrops, lighting, and other equipment right in my home, ready for any last minute job that came my way. I wouldn’t have chosen a increasingly expensive suite with floor to ceiling windows and zaftig outdoor space, that gave us and our minion animals a way largest quality of life — and fresh air and sunlight during the lockdown. And of course, it wouldn’t have given us room to make the huge visualization to move up our house ownership plan by a full two years.

With that tight of a tether, we wouldn’t have been worldly-wise to take the leap.

I may not have an empire, but I’ve never fancied myself much of a power-hungry ruler, anyway. And though I’m at the tail end of my thirties, I’d like to think that I could revisit my studio and event space one day. Or, find flipside creative outlet to pour my heart and soul into whose income doesn’t depend on likes and comments (the way my current career does). Until then, I’m quite content with getting by on my own and saving for a rainy day. Just seeing where things take me. If I’ve learned anything from 2020 and my career upheaval of 2021, it’s that veritably nothing is certain. That’s scary, but it can moreover be okay.

Know-how and a bit of lucky timing helped me find success. Fluidity and tensility have given me staying power. I have learned that it’s weightier not to dig my heels in too deep. But to go where the current takes me. It’s much easier to stay afloat, that way.

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